A Transformation Of Oneself To A New And Extraordinaire Person.
By: Darius Gabriel Bugarin
As how I understand and analyze “Attitude”, it is not difficult to change this by continuous coaching and enjoying what we are doing for ourselves. You could even break your own rules and other sayings and create the new “You”. This I called “KILL Process”.
KILL Process is more on being positive. A challenge to your personality on how you will divert negative impressions into positive ones. Just like what Mr. Steven Covey have created – The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Kill Process also focuses on personal development or changes and creates extraordinary or unbelievable things that would challenge everyone, with regards to handling a relationship with family, love-ones, friends, colleagues and even bosses.
It is you who are making changes for yourself and not other people. Although they could affect you in many ways, but you can affect them more than what you think. With all your experiences, your feelings and your reactions. Not only by yourself alone but also from what you see or observed to other people. You never knew that you could even pass through the hole of the needle without difficulty, but with your determination and focus towards your anticipated result and changes.
People are getting wiser and wiser everyday. We all have our different ways to improve ourselves, for us to be able to succeed and meet our wishes or aims. But why we think we are not good enough in handling difficulties? Because the truth is…. we never know how to handle this. So, be with me and try to understand and apply what you’ll learn from this book - “THE WILL OF CHANGE – The Transformation Of Oneself To A New and Extraordinaire Person”.
Overview
Most people commit mistakes and say they are learning from it. That it could help them improved. But do they really learn and know what to do? Still not! There were many studies and writings or articles made by famous writers and specialists but still we have not learned enough. Some people used to do the same way as what other people do to them in return as revenge, but it creates more negative impressions and activities.
The best thing to do to avoid negative thoughts and impressions is to bring an invincible bag for our disappointments and difficulties then do the magic to transform this into good and make positive reactions. Then you will see the result.
A good example of this is the success story of a politician and Ambassador Mr. Anthonio L. Cabañgon-Chua. He was able to know what his people want and give it to them. Some companies never hire relatives at work. But Ambassador Cabañgon-Chua believes that true happiness in working with the family and to work as a family, and he made it.
The KILL Process
K - Knowing (knowing the person)
I - Introducing (let others know who you are and show you care about them)
L - Listening (believe in what people say)
L - Learning (learn to love yourself and others)
Each process are actually divided into two parts which are the following:
Knowing
Knowing By Words
Knowing By Actions
Introducing
Introducing Self
Introducing The Person With Proud ness
Listening
Listening To The Answers
Listening To The Stories
Learning
Learning From What You Hear
Learning From What You See
I - KNOWING
Knowing is the process of asking and observing. It is the beginning or the start in creating a long-term relationship.
A - Knowing By Words
Knowing by words means collecting or gathering a specific answer to your question. Here you do 80 percent of the talking and questioning.
Knowing the person is not that easy. You have to consider many aspects such as:
PAPA
P - Personality
A - Attitude
P - Preferences (Likes and Dislikes)
A - Activities
Personality
Here, you’ll ask for the personal information’s about the person such as his name, where he lives, educational background, family background, work experiences, etc.
Ask or say something like:
“Hi, I’m David. You are?”
Attitude
Here, you might not be able to ask specifically about who the person was. But sometimes, you tend to ask if he is nice, friendly and etc. It’s not bad to ask about personal attitude as long as you know how to handle his ego.
Ask or say something like:
“What I don’t like most to a person is the hot tempered. I hope you don’t mind if I ask you, are you hot tempered?”
Preferences
These are the likes and dislikes in terms of food, beverages, movies, sports, places, countries, designs, colors, attitude of friends, etc.
Ask or say something like:
“I always eat fresh fruits as my dessert. But I like pineapple more than others. How about you?”
Activities
These are information about his work, hobbies and other actual and personal activities such as reading, writing, watching movies, etc.
Ask or say something like:
“I used to watch movies every Sunday. How about you?”
Now, after learning and knowing the person, you may now begin calling him by his name. Greet him every time you see him and show that you are proud to know him.
What To Consider When Asking Questions To The Person?
Pointers to remember:
MASK
M - Make the person feel good and important
A - Always use the person’s name
S - Smile and show that you are glad to talk to the person.
K - Keep on giving sincere praise and compliments
Say something like this:
Make the person feel good and important & Always use the person’s name - You are proud to see him and trying to know more about him.
“Hello, Jessie, It’s nice to see you again! How are you? What makes you busy the past few days?”
Smile and show that you are glad to talk to the person - You are making him proud.
“Thank you for coming and considering my invitation. Let me introduce you to my friends. I’m sure they’ll be glad to meet with you too!”
Keep on giving sincere praise and compliments - You are giving moral support
“You’re wise to take the HRM course because it is now in-demand.”
In addition to the above, asking question is not an easy job. We have to know the type of question so we’ll be able to know the type of answers we will be getting.
2 Types of Question
Open Question – the type of question, in which allow the person to respond with the specific answers and some more additional information concerning the subject. This usually are the questions beginning with the What, Who and Why.
Example:
“Whom do you think is the person in-charge of this project?”
Close Question – the type of question answerable by “yes” or “no” and even “true” or “false”.
Example:
“Is this your book?”
“Is English is the language of English people?”
B - Knowing By Actions
Not all could introduce themselves by words. Some are afraid to tell the truth about themselves, and you can only identify this by observing their actions as well. But whatever negative findings or observations you identify about them, never ask them about it and never embarrass them to others.
What To Consider When Observing The Person By His Actions?
Pointers to remember:
TASK
T - Think Positively
A - Analyze the Action
S - Support
K - Keep In Touch
Think Positively
Don’t speak of anything about them without you proving it or even when you already have proven it. Never booed him and never let him know or show him that you already know some things about him or his actions or activities.
Smile and show that you are glad about the person even though:
If you observed him walking like a girls, you should ask him if he’s gay or bisexual.
If you see him walking with a young and beautiful lady, you should not ask him if it’s her girlfriend. Particularly if he did not tell you thing about his relationship or if he did not say that he has a girl friend. This means, never speak of things without him telling you this at first.
If the person used to go to Bars and you see him drinking too much and he used to impress a lady. Never ask him or tell him that he’s a playboy.
Analyze The Action
Never even try to play with your observation and tell him little bit about it even in a joke. Just be yourself and give him the freedom as who he is. Allow the person to tell you first who really he was and what are the other things he is doing. The person may be trying to protect himself not to be embarrassed, and you have to consider the feeling when you are embarrassed.
Support
Never put the person down, particularly in front of other people. Support him with his statements and show that you believe him.
Example:
If the person does not tell anyone that he is gay, but some are booing him, you say:
“Nope, He is not gay! He’s just a simple guy and caring. Not all slow people are gay, we all know that.”
Keep In Touch
Never leave him hanging. Even though he’s still keeping secrets from you.
II - INTRODUCING
This process is the opposite of “Knowing”. The person will then be the one to make or ask you specific questions while you are introducing yourself to him.
Introduce Yourself
Introducing yourself is more difficult than knowing a person. However as you wanted to know the person, you also need to introduce yourself to the person to builds a long lasting relationship and understandings. Tell the person the usual answers particularly the same with your questions you asked him about himself and his activities. You could even use this process before you ask another question pertaining to the same information that you have given him.
Example:
You know what? I don’t eat turkey meat. How about you?
Before when I’m only 1o years old, I used to draw but now not any more. Do you also draw or paint? What are your hobbies?
With this, you will be able to create an interest for him to answer your question and vice versa, which will lead you into an exciting conversation.
Introduce The Person With Proud ness
It is important that you introduce the person to others to show proud ness. That you are not ashamed to be with him: considering his appearance and looks or even his styles. Use phrases that would enhance his self-esteem or ego. But be honest to tell the truth as he introduced himself to you. Try to exaggerate the wordings he said about him and as you know who he is. But never exaggerate the things you’ve observed with him by actions.
Pointers to remember:
SACKS
S - Show you are proud
A - Anticipate the need
C - Create an impression of professionalism
K - Keep up with your commitment
S - Show that you care
Example:
He said to you that he is a writer. You introduce him to others as:
“He is a very good writer!”
It would give happiness to him and will learn to love and appreciate you. You are creating an angel to him. Then you made him a better person.
III - LISTENING
This process will help you to know more about the person, using your ability to discover him by the words he is saying. There are some things that the person could say about themselves but can be observed and know when they are saying things about them and even about their experiences and/or life stories. The formula to this process is to “Listen, With Your Heart”.
Listen To The Answers
When you ask question, not all the answers are right but you have to believe this and never react or show any negative impression to the person. Answers could be good or bad, with anger or without anger. You have to value answers and always remember that everyone is free to say or speak of anything. Never disappoint or put the person down but instead phrase the person and show positive reactions to what he say. Listening is also connected to the Knowing Process for you to be able to know more about the person, and to show that you care about him. Some answers or feedbacks are sometimes negative. But bear in mind that if you will respond negatively you will also get negative feedbacks or more, in which could harm the relationship.
Pointers To Remember:
SILENT
S - Stay Cool
I - Inhale & Exhale
L - Listen Hard & Listen Well
E - Eliminate The Negative Thoughts
N - Never Reply In The Same Manner
T - Think Of Something New & Do It
Practice
If your wife shouted at you:
“Where have you been tonight? You took prostitutes, again?”
What to do?
S – Never reply, just listen. Let her finish with all the things he wanted to say.
I – Release your temper.
L – Listen and try to feel her feelings. Put yourself in her shoes.
E – Never consider that she’s maltreating you.
N – Never reply or never shout at her.
T – Say sorry. Tell her that you will not do it again. Say that you have done nothing wrong but just being drunk. Never tried kissing/hugging her while still angry. Do it the next day when you’re awake and try to impress her with some thing that would make her happy at home (cook breakfast). Then tell the truth.
Listen To The Stories
Here, you’ll be able to see the person’s sentiments. Listening to persons’ stories will also help you identify your Do’s and Don’ts towards the person. You will also be able to know his feelings, weakness and problems. However, the observations you get out of his stories should not be used to boo him, but instead is to make him feel you are on his side and that you are there to help or assist him as long as you can.
IV - LEARNING
This is the process on understanding and loving in which is very hard to do or perform but as we are the one making the change, we have to do it. Bear in mind that a person will not do anything negative to us if we have done no negative to them as well. As a rule of change, turn all negative into positive reactions.
Learn From What You Hear
Way of turning all negative feedbacks into positive one. You know that there are thing that are wrong, but you’ll try to do it correctly.
If the person says he is handsome, then let it be. If the person says he has 25 girlfriends, then let it be. You have to agree with the person and try to praise him more. But never exaggerate this as in you are telling him that you are just saying “yes” but deeply you are not. Consider everything he said as sacred and never react negatively. Never show him that you are just pretending you believe all what he said. Just think of his ego, his wants, his sentiments and feelings. If he said, “Shut up!” Then you should shut up to avoid discussions, misunderstanding and/or fight.
What To Consider When Observing The Person By His Actions?
Pointers to remember:
TEASE
T - Take Everything Positively
E - Eliminate The Negative Thoughts
A - Act Normally (as in nothing happened)
S - Seek For Better Solution/Conclusion
E - Expect the unexpected
Example:
Should you father shouter at you and say: “Bull Shit!” because you are has made a big mistake.
What will you do?
Take Everything Positively
Just nod and agree to everything he says.
Eliminate The Negative Thoughts
Relax. Feel that everything what you hear is for the better.
Act normally (as in nothing happened)
Be silent and never say anything. Just listen and let your father finish everything what he wanted to say. Let him release all his anger.
Seek For Better Solution/Conclusion
Apologize and say you will not do it again, and add something that will wake him up like:
“I’m sorry, Dad. I will not do it, again. If I did, I will just get out of this home and never come back.”
Expect The Unexpected
With what you did, your father will realize that what he has done was wrong and might also apologize to you.
Learn To Love Yourself
Why learn to love yourself? Because if you’re going to take everything seriously, you will become crazy and your life will become more difficult and miserable. You’ll just have to learn how to play with your fears and as those fears when you turn it into a positive impressions, this will lead you to success and teach other people to believe in you and love you the way you are and will not forget or leave you forever.
What To Consider When Observing The Person By His Actions?
Pointers to remember:
FACTS
F - Free your mind
A - Act Normally (as in nothing happened)
C - Connect The Dots
T - Take Everything Positively
S - Seek For Better Solution
Examples:
Should your wife shouted at you and tell you that you are not a very good husband, never reply anything but try to put yourself into her situation and know why she is shouting or admit it and apologize. Do not shout at her also to reply. It will create fire. This means never place batteries into negative-to-negative position it will not function.
Situation:
Your husband went home drunk late at night and you have noticed a kiss mark on his neck.
What will you do?
Free your mind
Never say anything.
Act Normally (as in nothing happened)
Never shout nor question him.
Connect The Dots
Let him rest till the next day.
Take Everything Positively
Give him physical assistance. Take off his shoes or change his clothes, etc. Give him service even you’re angry.
Seek For Better Solution
Prepare him breakfast and wake him up to eat. Never say anything about last night. Ask…. “How do you feel, now? Come on, I have prepared you breakfast. What time is your work, so, I can prepare your uniform now?”
Remember “The Will of Change – Turning All Negatives Into Positives” and you’ll see the result.
